An Anecdote About Success After Multiple Failures

Are you actually READY for change?  How many times do we stop and ask ourselves this actually pretty important question.  I’ve spent the bulk of my adult life wanting positive change and yet there are so many times I “failed” to achieve the end result desired.  Can you relate?  The areas of Health and Weight-Loss seemed to be my Achilles heel in particular.

So often we want change, we hope and think and talk about positive growth in all the various areas of our lives, and yet something- and it’s different for each of us– a critical piece of the puzzle is not present, causing us to either not try at all, or try and struggle and ultimately fail.

At the end of 2016, I was somewhat surprisingly and abruptly in this place where all systems were a go for making significant changes in my health and well-being.  Up until November 2016, I just wasn’t in that place- I wasn’t “ready.”  For 6 years I had tried and failed dozens of times, but now all of a sudden, anything was possible.  What was the magic bullet?  Why was I suddenly able to lose 20 pounds in the last two months when every attempt in the previous 6 years ended in failure?

Why was I suddenly able to lose 20 pounds in the last two months

when every attempt in the previous 6 years ended in failure?

Why was I suddenly able to stick to the program?  I have never in my life successfully stuck to a weight loss program!  This was worth exploring.

ALL year, whenever I thought about my health, my intention was that I was healthy and strong.  I sporadically spouted affirmations of great health and every once in a while I remembered to say food blessings (usually about 4 bites in), instructing the food to serve my highest good.  It was always in the back of my mind, but in hindsight I was not taking any consistent action to change anything.  If I’m being honest, I wasn’t taking any inspired action.

Then in August, I set a goal – I wanted to weigh 135, which to me represented a solid effort in the right direction-  I saw that as healthy.  If you look back at any of my journals in the past 6 years, you will see basically the same intention written over and over again in slightly different ways, but I had never previously written it as a measurable goal.  To clarify, I don’t believe there is a magic number that the scale needs to reach, but since I wanted something to aim towards, back in August, I set the goal- I will weigh 135 pounds by December 31st, 2016.  I had the ongoing intention, was sprinkling in affirmations, albeit not on a consistent basis, and now I had this goal with a definitive deadline.

Despite doing nothing more, in response, my body was sending me signals that change was needed- I experienced illness, swelling, allergic reactions, and increased inflammation, just to name a few.  I was achy and constantly hurting my back- I felt how I presumed an 85 year old in bad health felt.  The reality of illness and disease kept popping up around social media and in the news.  My dad’s cancer battle with Leukemia including his diagnosis at 42 and eventual passing 5 short years later seemed to play on repeat in the back of my mind.

I really did want something different.  I always have.  I liked the idea of allowing this change to manifest in my life- I wanted positive change- I wanted to be a good example for my kids- I wanted to live a long and healthy life and yet, I was still eating whatever I wanted, putting no effort towards exercise and to be completely frank, dying a little bit every day.   One night, in tears I confided to my husband that it felt like after the age of 30, doing nothing suddenly stopped equating to maintenance of the status quo and started meaning that your health was deteriorating.  That’s how it felt at least.

And then one day- I can’t even tell you what day it was, one day the contrast in my life- the simultaneous contradiction between what the life of my dreams looked like vs what I was experiencing in my current reality– was too great.  The proverbial straw had broken the camel’s back.  Suddenly, it all mattered enough to me AND I was willing to do what I knew I would need to do in order to be successful.  I was magically ready.

It was kind of like when you are pregnant and in labor and you know it’s time to push.  For 9 months, you are told “don’t worry- you will just know when it’s time.”  You ask your friends what labor is like and despite it being something they can vividly remember, they still have nothing of value to share.  As the pregnant one, this of course is beyond annoying.  You want someone to tell you exactly how you will know.  But they can’t.  This felt like that to me.  Just like after 11 hours of labor when I intuitively knew from my body’s signals that it was time to push, in November, the message was undeniably clear- it was time for this caterpillar to emerge as a butterfly.

It was like all of God’s universe was conspiring on my behalf to reach this goal.  All the pieces fell into place.  Suddenly, this extremely strict eating protocol I had known about and previously scoffed at as ludicrous and impossible sounded very doable and perfect.  And then I did it.  And let me be clear what I mean when I say that:

I did what I KNEW needed to be done for the quirky, idiosyncratic, paradoxical Jamie Goins to be successful.

We know why we have failed in the past.  We know what in our lives makes it very challenging to accomplish our health goals (or any goals).  Own up to them and treat them as known risks that need assessment and either mitigation, avoidance, acceptance or transfer (hah! Can you tell I’m a project manager?!?!).

What did this mean for me personally?

  • This meant putting my money where my mouth was. I invested in my health.  I paid to participate in a monitored program.  I decided I was worth it.  My health and future was worth it.
  • This meant, ironically due to my rule-breaking nature, that I picked a strict and inflexible protocol that required perfection or face the consequence of bigger-than-average setback. It was NOT one step forward, two steps back.
  • This included a plan that leveraged my adherence to the protocol and got me better-than-average fat loss as a result.
  • This involved accountability.
  • This involved a serious talk with my hubby about helping out more with the kids, especially their meal time.
  • This meant admitting to my boss and coworkers that I was engaging in an extreme nutritional protocol for health reasons.
  • This meant saying no a lot because I didn’t want to put myself in a difficult position.
  • I had to take a long hard look at the calendar and decide what span of 8 weeks would I be best set up for success- and again, I had to be willing to sacrifice.  For me, Christmas and New Year’s both fell in my 8-week program.
  • I didn’t eat out- I prepared my own food, day and night, for the entire plan. Compare that to eating out almost daily and you can taste how extreme this change was.
  • I eliminated the most common 7 allergens completely from my diet and from any products I was using on my body.
  • This meant having fmy own cabinet with the food I could eat and food prep.
  • It meant written affirmations on my bathroom mirror.
  • I had to add a bunch of reminders and alarms into my phone because the timing of what I ate was as important as what I ate.

I’m not saying that the above will make you successful- this is not what you or anyone else other than me personally would require.  Each of us has our own requirements.

I took a long hard look at my life, my failures and my successes, looked at my client stories and what has made them successful, and the main ingredients to success always seem to be:

  1. Deciding on what you want – setting goals and intentions and affirmations and reviewing them as regularly as possible
  2. Getting Real and Honest about your (limiting) beliefs and whether it’s easier to simply accept them or if it is worth it to change them. I could not shake the limiting belief that if I don’t do something soon, I will be diagnosed with a disease.  What you think about, you bring about.  I 100% believe that (hah- see, another belief)
  3. Setting up your environment to support and reflect the positive change being successful warrants
  4. Communicating your goals and needs and desires to everyone around you. Own them and profess them to the world.
  5. Supporting yourself with loads of self-care, ongoing positive self-talk and complete and utter, unconditional self-love. I told myself- regardless of what the scale says, I believe I have changed the trajectory of my life.  I told myself, even though I want to see change on the scale, I deeply and completely love and accept myself just as I am.
  6. Building in incentive – I love rewards and positive reinforcement, I love bonuses that you get for adherence and I am also motivated by negative consequences as well- when I spend money on something, I want to get value out of it- I hate wasting money. Most people do!
  7. Being held accountable– Accountability is the holy grail of success factors, especially for me. This helps me to be the impactful coach I am today (she said modestly as she tossed her hair back).  Accountability has to be built into everything.  For me, this meant daily weigh-ins at home and weekly accountability to the people administering the program.
  8. Feeling Ready– being ready and excited to move forward!  This doesn’t mean you aren’t nervous and excited, but it does mean you are going to listen for inner guidance, inspired ideas and take action from a feel good place.

And just let me temporarily get on my soap box for a moment: it is for these reasons that I recommend engaging a coach for those times in your life where you have consistently struggled with something.  Obviously I am a coach, but I am simply speaking from the heart here.  It can be a challenge figuring this out on your own and can feel impossible without consistent and positive support- having a coach is like an insurance policy for the life of your dreams. ::dismounts soap box::

That said, whether or not you choose to have a coach by your side for your journey towards better health, or for any of the areas of your life like your relationships, career or other personal growth- do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself.  If what you are doing isn’t working, there is a reason why.  Review the main ingredients to success listed above and troubleshoot what areas are lacking.

We all have the potential to have the life of our dreams.  We all have the power to change our lives.  And the best news is we can change our mind and start over any day we choose.  I love Walt Disney and will leave you with two of my favorite quotes of his, “If you can dream it, you can do it” and “All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.

 

 

**For a Limited Time Only: 30% of Monthly Email Coaching Package!**

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Jamie Goins is a transformational life & business coach extraordinaire, speaker, certified Success Principles trainer with Jack Canfield & founder of Intentional Perspective.  ::Switching to 1st person::  It is my absolute passion to provide support, guidance, accountability, and encouragement to individuals and businesses on their journey to gain clarity, overcome obstacles, discover new opportunities and achieve their highest aspirations.  I love life, love having fun, and have a pretty outstanding track record for helping my clients become outrageously successful.  Let’s talk about how I can best serve you or your business!

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Better Habit Building – the do’s and don’ts to make this month’s habits STICK!

So often, we find ourselves operating on auto-pilot. This can be ok if we already have several great habits that we have previously built into our daily lives, but most of us are lacking in this area.  Here’s my “works from home” mom confession: Showering is not a daily habit of mine! d68b8ad7214ebbffed902528e711f1e0I have VERY few daily habits! I am constantly on the lookout and interested in doing more though.  And I am a Virgo, so something small is never appealing.  My own worst enemy sometimes!  But I am sharing my failures here in hopes that others will benefit from my mistakes!  I have tried and failed many, many, many times at building habits.

So the first thing we want to do is make the decision about what we want our focus to be for the next 30-90 days.

If you are a habit newbie or someone who historically has had a hard time staying disciplined or focused in the past, my recommendation is to commit to and focus on a single new habit.  If you feel like you do pretty well in building habits when you have the type of support that I will provide, go ahead and reach for a second or third habit as well.  Bottom line- do NOT overdo it here.

The general consensus from habit-based research is that the greatest success in habit-building comes from focusing on a small number of habits at the same time- maximum of 3. And these are TINY habits too! Dr. Fogg from Stanford University defines these as a single push-up daily or flossing at least one tooth, or saying “It’s going to be a great day!” each day.

Jack Canfield recommends that we work on ONE new habit per quarter and to pick something that can be done daily. This slow and steady approach guarantees that you have added 4 strong habits or 4 new areas of growth every year. Over a lifetime, that adds up to quite a bit!

 

 

In my personal and professional experience, here are some of the top reasons why people fail to build a new habit into their routine:

  1. The habit isn’t meaningful enough.reasons-habit-building-fails

If you don’t have a reason to pull from, something to remind you of why you are doing this in the first place and what meaning it holds, then it is easily forgotten or dismissed in times of stress or overwhelm. Ask yourself WHY you want to build this habit- give it some meaning and you are much more likely to keep with it!

  1. Trying to do too many things at once.

Going from doing nothing habitually to a list of 15 new habits. For Type-A overachievers and “doers,” this is painful to hear. Almost like, “what’s the point?!?!” Multi-taskers at heart want to go for the gold and maximize what they get out of the 30 days. Problem is, I want those of you who have this mentality to take a long look at how much success you have had with this approach? Most if not ALL of us (me included here!) have failed over and over when taking this approach! Baby steps is key.

  1. The habit is too big.

It’s just not realistic to go from a lifestyle of zero accountability and zero activity to suddenly racking up 10,000 steps a day JUST BECAUSE you recently bought a fitbit. We must be realistic and also build in flexibility. While it is ESSENTIAL that you give attention to your habit daily, the amount of attention can be variable. This is unique to my program and I think is one of the key ways I set myself apart from other habit-building enthusiasts. In my program, we give each habit a few variations- 2 or 3, your choice. We have – at a minimum – a “normal” day as well as a “high stress” day version of building your habit. Alternatively, we have a 3 level system- 1) bare minimum day, 2) average day 3) super power day. We factor in that some days are just more hectic than others and we accommodate for those days by doing slightly less effort while still doing SOMETHING. That is key! If you want to be able to do 10,000 steps a day eventually, we are going to start slightly above where you are currently at and build from there.

  1. There is no accountability.

Having no one to check in with and no support system is habit suicide. There is tons of research for the added success benefits, both professionally and personally, that accountability adds. Accountability makes us more likely to do something because it is no longer just about us. When others become involved, we are much more likely to stick with building our habit.

  1. There isn’t enough incentive or motivation.

One of the reasons that this is a paid program (aside from me deserving to be paid for life-changing services- haha!) is that it gives you motivation and incentive to stick with it! When we put our money where our mouth is, we are more likely to put more focus, time and effort into our commitment. This is also why my community-based program includes prizes!

  1. Getting caught up on a desired end result instead of the habit or routine needed to accomplish it.

We so often focus on a desired result but don’t take the time to determine what habits will get us there. With this lack of direction, we never achieve that desired end result.

  1. Not supporting our new habit with environmental change.

When we want to upgrade our lifestyle, our environment is critical to our success or failure. If you want to eliminate pop, but keep a 12-pack in your fridge at all times, you are really giving yourself an uphill battle!

 

So these “what not to do’s” translate into the following keys to successful habit-building (plus a few more!):habit-building-success-tips

  1. Use an accountability partner (bonus points if it is a community of people like my private Habit Building group on Facebook!)
  2. Work backwards from your big goals- break them up into small, manageable goals and determine what habits are needed to achieve them.
  3. Note WHY you care, why are these goals and habits meaningful.
  4. Surround yourself with an environment that sets you up for success. This can be cleaning out the pantry, spending 10 minutes putting post-it notes around the house, setting alarms on your phone, scheduling habits into your calendar, telling friends and family about your efforts, etc.
  5. Make it easier on yourself by giving yourself fewer choices. Don’t say “I will read 5 pages a night from some book” – instead give yourself 2 or 3 books to choose from and end the flexibility there.
  6. Engage in “habit blending” – a term I coined for piggybacking on an “autopilot” type habit that already exists in your day. For example, instead of doing nothing while you are stopped at a red light, you can plan to repurpose this time for intentional gratitude. In the shower, you can plan to visualize your successes. If you already walk every day, you can listen to audio-books while walking, etc. Sometimes our habits aren’t suitable for this but when they are, leverage this method!
  7. Identify past failures and make plans for avoiding these this time around. For example, why don’t I wake up early to work out? Because I am very tired. Why am I too tired? Because I don’t go to bed on time. So what can I do to eliminate “too tired” as an excuse? Go to bed earlier. How can I support my effort to go to bed earlier? I could set two timers on my phone- one as a 30 minute warning, another as a “put pjs on” another maybe as “phone off for the night,” etc, you get the idea.

MOST importantly, this is a marathon not a sprint, you want to stretch into embodying a new, upgraded identity; you are not trying to break yourself in half.  If it is painful, you are trying to make too big of a change at once.  Trust me on this.

You are meant to ENJOY the journey!!!  Abraham reminds us, “unhappy journeys do not have happy endings.”  When we try for too much, too quickly, we are setting ourselves up for failure.  When we try to do it alone, we set ourselves up for failure.  So gear up, get support and start small!  You can do this!  And if you want to do it with me as your rock star cheerleader, I have both private and group opportunities for you, so don’t hesitate to reach out!

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Jamie Goins is a transformational life & business coach extraordinaire, traJamie Goins - Pic for Bioining expert & founder of Intentional Perspective.  ::Switching to 1st person::  If Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels ever had a love child, you’d probably get someone like me- not me, but close. 😉 It is my absolute passion to provide support, guidance, accountability, and encouragement to small business owners, mom-preneurs and others on their journey to gain clarity, discover new opportunities and achieve their highest aspirations.  I love life, love having fun, and love helping others be outrageously successful.  Come join me on my playground!

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Ask Jamie: How to Deal with Difficult People in the Workplace

dealing w difficult people

Email Excerpt (shared with permission):

“I’m so irritated right now.  Our manager emailed us asking for assistance.  Then, since I was able to immediately assist, I went back and forth with our manager over SIX emails, including my coworker Simon every step of the way so that he was clearly informed about my progress.  My last email said to our manager- I 402d4b310b86d2000c5fb2a42e36fe46will wait for your confirmation prior to making that change.”  And guess what happens?  My coworker, who was absent from the conversation for the entire work day, replies “I’ve completed the change.”  WHAT THE F#$^#?!?!  This happens over and over again- he is constantly undermining me- he is consistently stepping in at the 11th hour and doing what I was just about to do, even though I was very clear that I was going to do it.  I’m furious!!! “

Today my client and I talked about boundaries at work, in particular with a coworker that is constantly and consistently overstepping boundaries in the middle of assignments/projects.  Do you see the red flag?  It was the words constantly and consistently.  So this is happening over and over again.  And we know in the LOA world, especially when something is happening over and over again:

we play a very critical role in that cycle- if we eliminate our part of the cycle, it can’t continue.

This is great news for any of us looking to break the cycle- just like all things “deliberate creation,” we can choose how we engage others.  Often, we don’t realize that what is happening around us is a reflection of what we are allowing and attracting into our lives.

If you find yourself in a similar situation- whether it is with extended family, at organizations you volunteer with or whether it is at the office, step one is awareness.  Be aware of patterns that emerge in your life- it means you are tolerating something.

Once you identify the pattern, “people do things that I was supposed to do,” or “people butt in and take over work that I was doing,” or “I was planning the family gathering and Aunt Martha stepped in and started taking it in a whole new direction as if I wasn’t planning it all along,” or “That was my assigned event for the school PTO and this other mom came over and started barking out orders,”  …you get the picture right?  The same issue can manifest in all areas of your life.  So awareness is step #1.

Step #2, Observe your reaction and your behavior- observe your emotions.  Were you instantly irritated?  Were your feelings hurt?  Did it upset you and make you feel like your worthiness was in question?  Did you feel disrespected?  Often, we have the biggest reaction to things that violate our personal values or are out of alignment with our higher self.

Give yourself time to process, but don’t get stuck in this step.  We aren’t looking to seethe, we are looking to allow and move through the emotion.  A great way to lessen the blow is to see if you ever do this inadvertently in your own life.  Another option is to question the malice in their intent and assume there was none.  Is it possible they just think they are being helpful?  Question the story you are telling and the meaning you are giving it.  The event itself is neutral until we give it meaning.

Step #3- Use this information as a stepping stone to better understand what you DO want.  The great thing about a negative event or experiencing something that you DON’T want, is that it helps you get super clear about what you DO want.  So that’s where the shift in fosecret-to-changecus comes- and that is really important:

We step away from focusing on what we don’t want and instead we channel our energy thinking about what we do want.

“I want others to ask me if I need their help before stepping in.”

Step #4- Set an intention that this is how it is in your life- affirm it, believe it, act as if that is how things are in your life.

“People offer me assistance all the time and only give it to me if I ask for it.”

“I am so happy and grateful that my coworker trusts me to handle my project tasks.” 

“I am well-supported and well-respected amongst my peers, coworkers and family.” 

“The people that surround me understand my needs and respect them.” 

How would you act differently if this were your reality?  How would you see things differently?  Would you carry yourself differently or speak differently?  Embody your intention and believe it is taken care of.

Will you wake up the next day and things are magically completely different?  Well it’s certainly possible!  One time, someone called me immediately apologizing even though I hadn’t “said” anything to them to warrant it.  Inner work truly can be that immediate and powerful.  Sometimes, people can IMMEDIATELY and instantly feel the energy shift and change is right there moments later.  No joke.  I have also experienced seemingly NO change for many days and then I see a shift a few weeks later.  Another opportunity will arise and it will be handled in a way that I desire- differently than how it was previously handled.

Either way, I do want to make one thing clear: you have to do your part.

Just like planting a seed- depending on what type of seed you plant and how well you take care of it, water it, and tend to it, ALL of those factors come into play and determine how quickly something sprouts up above ground for you to see.  But there is plenty going on under the surface until that day comes.  So just like you know that overnight, an apple tree with full grown apples will not sprout overnight, know too that things are evolving in your life, whether you immediately see it or not.

So decide you want somind-is-a-gardenmething different and act accordingly.  What I DON’T recommend is acting out of your negative emotion.  Everyone in the corporate world knows NOT to send an email out in anger, right???  Kinda goes with that sage advice.  When we are at a low vibration, when we are experiencing negative emotions like anger, insult or injury, we want to get ourselves to a better feeling place before making any decisions or taking outward action towards your coworker, family or friends.

 

Inner work first – always.  Then do what feels good next.  Before you take any sort of action, you want to be level-headed, in a feel good place, with an unemotional, open perspective.

Jamie Goins is a transformational life & business coach extraordinaire, traJamie Goins - Pic for Bioining expert & founder of Intentional Perspective.  ::Switching to 1st person::  If Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels ever had a love child, you’d probably get someone like me- not me, but close. 😉 It is my absolute passion to provide support, guidance, accountability, and encouragement to small business owners, mom-preneurs and others on their journey to gain clarity, discover new opportunities and achieve their highest aspirations.  I love life, love having fun, and love helping others be outrageously successful.  Come join me on my playground!

 

 

 

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Why It Matters That You Don’t Like Him/Her/It

Hear me out for a sec: I don’t know anyone who doesn’t get annoyed/irritated/set-off/turned off/angered/resentful with at least someone in their life.  Whether it is seeing them in person, hearing them talk, seeing their posts on Facebook, experiencing them at the office, during family gatherings, or whatever the case may be, there is at least one (probably more) person or people in your life that really bother you.  2There’s someone that really can just get under your skin.  And it may not be someone you personally know- it could be Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.  If you are like 30% of our nation, it’s probably both of them. 🙂  It could be “politicians” or rapists or child molesters.  It could be an animal that attacked a child or it could be something inanimate like a particular rule, regulation or law.  Don’t even get me started on it being illegal to buy alcohol on Sunday.

THAT SAID, most of us know that chronic negativity is an energy suck and does not serve us.  We think- hey, I’m generally pretty positive, I’m doing pretty good.  AND WE ARE – don’t get me wrong.  I always always always want you to focus on the good stuff you are doing.  But we know that when we get stuck in negativity and stay in a state of low vibrations, all we are attracting is more “bad,” illness, grief, and upsets, right?  So, we try not to stay there.1

But most of us, if we are being honest, are harboring negativity that we don’t even realize.  And we only really think of it when it surfaces.  What would serve us BEST, is to be more aware of it and to put effort into processing that negativity so that it is healed once and for all.  It Matters.  For realz.

That is the gift that keeps on giving.  That is the gift you need to give yourself TODAY and EVERY DAY.

I am saying everyone has something, but it’s probably more realistic to say that we all have a healthy pool of things we could choose from.  And my intent, in today’s blog, is not for you to go looking for this negativity.  My intent is to encourage you to increase your awareness of when it surfaces, and instead of ignoring it, being super reactive, or just repressing it, I hope to give you some tools to process it.  To get rid of it.  To forgive it.  To take AWAY its power that it currently has over you.  That’s what this is about: taking back your power.  It’s your choice to allow yourself to be affected by something that someone else says or does.  It’s your choice to judge someone and deem them unfit.

Today’s blog is inspired from real life, as most of my blogs are.  I am not immune to this- I am super super normal and possibly have more than a normal amount of things that I need to address.- in fact I found myself saying “I have so much room for growth” about a dozen times today alone.  Just being honest.

I was on a Facebook group and I read someone’s post, and I had this terrible gut reaction.  “Ughhhhh. God I just do NOT like that woman.”  It surprised me because I don’t know her very well.  I’ve 3only had a few interactions with her, but my assessment – my interpretation of our interactions – is that she is not a woman of high integrity, not someone that “came through” on things that she had committed to and, well I’ll just say it- it happened more than once to the point where I thought, yeah I am not going to interact with this person any more.  And I realized, somewhat surprised really, “wow…I really really don’t like her.”  I thought I simply didn’t care for her and chose not to engage with her, but turns out it’s more than that.  And truly- almost immediately upon processing that this afternoon, I thought, “well that’s dumb.  What a waste of my good energy to not like her!”  And yet there it was.

So what do we do in those situations?  I’m not saying you aren’t justified.  I’m not saying you didn’t have a bad experience.  We cannot change the past.  I don’t like to dwell in the past- I don’t think it serves us.  BUT THAT SAID, if you are harboring this negativity- it hurts you more than anyone else.  It probably also hurts those around you who witness your reactivity as well.  Just sayin.  But we are focusing on you right now.  So, more than anything else, it messes with your good vibe.  When we allow this negativity to reside within us – and we can feel it come up around this person/place/thing – it’s not good for our health, it’s not good for our intentional living, it’s just not good all around.  I hate when people say it’s “being the bigger person and just letting it go” because it is so much more than that.  But call it what you will.

Here are some recommended strategies:

  1. My number one strategy is to – very briefly – see my own role in the situation. What meaning am I assigning to the even that took place that made me decide this woman was not someone of integrity?  What story did I tell and then what emotion did I assign to that story?  When I can see my personal role, I am more willing to give someone else a second chance, I am more willing to let go (without retaining resentment).  Once I identify the story, I can retell it- and you should.  Just like that.  I c4an go from “That asshole just cut me off” to “Lord, please watch over that man, I hope everything is ok.”  With this woman I mentioned earlier…there was money that was supposed to come to me from her and it did not ever happen.  What if instead of being driven by feeling wronged, I instead said- ok, well it was just money and I don’t want to give money my power either.  And maybe she really wanted/hoped/planned to give me the money, but something dire came up in her life and she was too embarrassed to admit it.  Maybe just maybe, I don’t know all there is to know about her and maybe she is carrying an enormous cross.  Is there a circumstance where I would completely excuse her behavior?    So why assume the worst?  Why not assume the best?
  2. Number two – Believing that “it’s not about me.” You’ve seen Good Will Hunting right?  Remember the scene?  Why do we believe everything is about us?  Why do we believe it is a reflection of us?  5Again, this involves taking an intentional perspective- deciding to see the situation from another viewpoint and understanding – this is not about me.  They have their own stuff they are dealing with.  It’s not about me.  Did they wrong me? Yes.  It’s not about me.  Was I betrayed?    It’s not about me.  They have shit in their lives.  It’s a choice they have made.  And I can forgive more easily once I can step outside the situation and get to the place where I know it’s not about me.
  3. Number 3 – Use a ritual to forgive, forgive, forgive. I love the Hoʻoponopono Method –  an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness – stating I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.  6Learn more in Joe Vitale’s book, Zero Limits.  Very powerful stuff. Can you send them love and acceptance?  If it feels fake to you, then you aren’t there yet.  Keep processing.  You want to be in a place where you genuinely wish them well.
  4. Do something – take action- do your part so that you feel like you are positively affecting the situation. Notice I said POSITIVELY.  I am not suggesting you go participate in a riot or other negative/destructive behavior.  Contact your congressman or representative, donate to a charity that supports your beliefs, or hell, start your own non-profit!  On a less global scale, you could reach out to someone and “clear the air.”  Or if they don’t know you hate them, consciously choose to find things you have in common- try to build a bridge not burn it.

I know I am preaching to the choir, but we will all be better off when it becomes easier and easier to let shit go, to let something roll off our back, to be unaffected by what others say and do.  Don’t give away your power.  And also, know that when someone or something can sour your mood, it shouldn’t be left unaddressed.  That shit’s toxic for you and everyone around you!  Now go out there and spread some love my friend! Oh yeah and kick some ass at rocking your awesomeness, rinse and repeat 😉 xoxoxoxox

7 8 9

Jamie Goins is a transformational life & business coach extraordinaire, training expert & founder of Intentional Perspective.  ::Switching to 1st person::  If Bob Harper an13450725_949635211754_7175340385442189601_nd Jillian Michaels ever had a love child, you’d probably get someone like me- not me, but close. 😉 It is my absolute passion to provide support, guidance, accountability, and encouragement to small business owners, mom-preneurs and others on their journey to gain clarity, discover new opportunities and achieve their highest aspirations.  I love life, love having fun, and love helping others be outrageously successful.  Come join me on my playground!

 

 

 

 

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Check Me Out!

Every 6 months or so I get the itch to create more videos/mind movies/etc.  This was my latest creation- I hope you both find it inspirational as well as get to know me a little more!

 

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Life lessons from v33 and Jamie v34’s Coming Attractions

Leading up to my birthday last year, I decided to set an intention of what the upcoming year would entail for me- what would “version 33” of Jamie look like?  Simply put, I was eager for growth.  Growth inside and outside, stepping out of my comfort zone and putting the time in to make me the best version of myself possible.  And boy did I succeed!  I made inner work a top priority, I took the leap of faith, established my coaching, training OD services business, Intentional Perspective, Inc, and have continued to take baby steps image1 towards self-actualization and making my mark in this world.  The Good Vibe Coaching Academy program brought my coaching to the next level and gave me a whole new perspective and approach to my coaching practice, led by my absolutely amazing and inspiring rock star mentors Jeannette Maw and Lisa Hayes.  I wrote my first children’s book, How to Wish Upon A Star (it will be published soon!), met one of the biggest influences in life, Jack Canfield, joined his team, joined a mastermind, image2

 

bts-mastermind volunteered more this year than the previous 33 years combined, and have surrounded myself with love, light and the most successful, supportive and inspiring group of small business owners I’ve ever met.  I have half a dozen incredible women that I consider both mentors and colleagues and am feeling the best I have in my entire adult life.

A few of the life lessons that I received loud and clear this past year:

  • I am enough, I do more than enough, and my gifts are valuable in this world- you too, by the way 😉
  • Whatever we circulate out into this world comes back to us magnified
  • It’s all about what you believe -good or bad!  Try to catch the limiting beliefs you have as they come up and knock those suckers out.  They don’t serve you!
  • Inner work is more important than physically taking action, but both are necessary
  • When they say “it’s all about enjoying the journey” – they really mean it.  Don’t wait until you have achieved your goals to start “enjoying” life.  Enjoy every day as it is.
  • Ask and it is given.  Set your intention and believe it is possible.  If you believe it, you can achieve it.
  • We are each 100% responsible for our lives.  Good and bad.  And we can make life better this second by changing our thoughts and adopting an intentional perspective 😉

This next year of my life, Jamie v34, which starts today, on my 34th birthday (get it?), my focus is effortless success through being present to serve.  My buzz words are focus, commitment and bliss.  I’m delighting in the idea of significant business growth, but, like the song below says, it ain’t about the money, money, money…

While we are on the subject, one of my major life lessons this past year is that you can be both – did you know that?  Despite how we women were raised, you can be incredibly spiritual, you can be heart-centered and want to be of service to the world and help people grow and be their best version of themselves AND you can charge for your services, enjoy financial abundance and growth.  You can be a person of faith AND rejoice in incredible wealth and success.  This was a key lesson that I learned this past year and hope to help other women and heart-centered service providers understand the same.

Frankly speaking, the first 33.5 years of my life, I really just constantly wondered how to make the dolla dolla bills.  Even as a child I had dollar signs in my eyes.  And while I still look forward to increasing my income, having nice things, and pursuing financial freedom, what I now understand is: making money is a byproduct of honoring your life purpose, owning your truth, showing up and consistently offering your gift to the world in whatever way feels good to you.

Do I know how you can make a shit ton of money very quickly?  I do.  There are literally a million ways to make a million dollars and I can coach you on the mindset that will bring floods of abundance into your life.  But the approach I am partial to is through pursing your passion, enjoying the journey and living a life of joy, gratitude and one where your primary focus is how you can make a positive impact on the world.

No judgment if you take a different route, but if you are interested in being abundant in ALL areas of your life- career- finances- relationships – health- -philanthropy – give me call.  We will make magic together 😉

Until then- please enjoy my playlist- if music were life – here’s what my 34th year of life sounds like 😉

Direct Link to Youtube Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-7rHe9VpfCSq67Twqz3SkzXS7khm-peJ

See each individual Youtube video below- goosebumps!!!

#ItsAWonderfulLife #StillObsessedWithPitchPerfect

 

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Jamie Goins (ok heh that’s me) is a transformational life & business coach 13450725_949635211754_7175340385442189601_nextraordinaire, training expert & founder of Intentional Perspective.  ::Switching to 1st person::  If Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels ever had a love child, you’d probably get someone like me- not me, but close. 😉 It is my absolute passion to provide support, guidance, accountability, and encouragement to small business owners, mom-preneurs and others on their journey to gain clarity, discover new opportunities and achieve their highest aspirations.  I love life, love having fun, and love helping others be outrageously successful.  Come join me on my playground!

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Balancing work and kids

Today Nolan asked if I was done working yet. Traditionally, it is very easy for me to quickly dismiss the kids with “mommy still has work to do.”

Today though, I said to Nolan…sweetie, mommy really loves playing with you, but mommy really loves her work too. Mommy gets to make a big difference in other people’s lives and in the community with the work I do. I help a lot of people and I really enjoy doing it. So thank you for being patient, and I will play with you, but let me finish what I am doing right now.”

Sometimes we need to be careful- there are plenty of times when I will take the opportunity to stop “working” and play with the kids. You really can’t go wrong except that there is ALSO nothing wrong with your work being meaningful and with you having some (small) element of discipline to complete that which you hoped to accomplish for the day.

It’s all about balance. Some days, I will drop the work for special time with the family. Other times, I will choose to finish what I am working on. Both are right and good. xoxoxox

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Intentional Thoughts! Manifesting perfect weather

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Is THIS Choice Ruining Your Relationship?

Is this choice ruining your relationship?

I have an important question for you to think on.  How often do you judge other people and react to them based on your judgment (read: get irritated/annoyed/upset with them) because they are prioritizing something differently than you?  Think about it.  Be honest.  Sucks to admit, but this happens to me more than I’d like.

We’ve all been there.  How many times have you been mad about something your spouse did or didn’t do?  Something your extended family member chose not to do even though you wanted them to do it?

judging

Here’s a recurring one for me:  Sometimes when we are traveling for something, we will tell family we will be in town.  If it doesn’t work out, I will admit that sometimes, my initial (my gut reaction) can be negative- haha (Read: indignant, annoyed, and judgmental) 🙂  Hey, I’ve never claimed to be perfect.  I am perfectly imperfect- a work of art that will never be fully complete.  But I digress.

Listen- the event or the precipitating factor is actually neutral.  It doesn’t have any juice or meaning to it until we give it a story.  That story generates an emotional response within us and then we often have some sort of action as a result.  But we get to decide what story we create.  We decide what our response is to the event in front of us.

It can be pretty knee-jerk also, and I find that this happens a lot with our kids or with extended family in general.  Another common example for us is that we will consciously limit the amount of travel we do with the kids.  So the event is: saying no to extended family about traveling to some gathering.

Our family may have responded with sadness, with irritation, with anger, with indignance OR they may have totally been fine about it (but usually it is a response of laying on the guilt trips and mild indignance.  Don’t tell them I said that).

They are assigning meaning to our decision.  They may have thought “they obviously don’t care as much about family time as we do.”  Because they value family time so much that they personally WOULD have made the drive.  They may have judged because our choice was out of alignment with what they would have done.  We simply have different priorities- no better or worse.  We weigh the pros and the cons and we come up with a different conclusion.  Sometimes what feels right and good to us is NOT what feels right or good to others.  And that’s ok.

If you can get there and get there quickly, if you can realize those nasty gremlin thoughts and turn it around, embracing a more supportive, kinder, more compassionate and more understanding approach, you will have a better, happier life filled with more of the same- more kindness shown to you, more compassion, and more understanding.  If you can intentionally observe and choose a neutral perspective, where other people’s choices are not about you, and simply notice them, notice your preference, and love them anyways, I promise you it will be a game changer.

Today’s challenge- next time you find yourself irritated with someone, ask yourself what priority of yours is different than theirs.  See how quickly you can spot it.  Then give yourself a high five for being so awesome and aware.  Then forgive yourself for the pissy thoughts you initially had.  Then text them that you love them to make yourself feel better.  Then continue forward with your day of awesomeness.  Rinse and repeat. 🙂

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Jamie Goins (ok heh that’s me) is a transformational life & business coach 13450725_949635211754_7175340385442189601_nextraordinaire, training expert & founder of Intentional Perspective.  ::Switching to 1st person::  If Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels ever had a love child, you’d probably get someone like me- not me, but close. 😉 It is my absolute passion to provide support, guidance, accountability, and encouragement to small business owners, mom-preneurs and others on their journey to gain clarity, discover new opportunities and achieve their highest aspirations.  I love life, love having fun, and love helping others be outrageously successful.  Come join me on my playground!

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The Critical Mistake You Didn’t Realize You Are Making In Your Pursuit of a Better Life

The Critical Mistake You Didn’t Realize You Are Making In Your Pursuit of a Better Life

The Critical Mistake You Didn’t Realize You Are Making In Your Pursuit of a Better Life

If you keep scratching your head and can’t figure out why things just aren’t getting any better no matter how positive you try to be, no matter what you try to do, then read on!

work is workAs a conscious creator and someone who has a natural affinity towards observing human behavior, I can’t help but notice when a friend, colleague or relative is engaging behavior that isn’t serving them.  Of course, these things are so much easier to spot in others and less easy to notice within ourselves, so today I thought I would share the number one critical mistake that you don’t realize you are making!

The number one mistake is allowing your current reality to rule over your attitude, beliefs and emotions instead of allowing expansion to come from relishing in what you want it to be.

First, let me clarify what I mean by allowing your current reality to rule over your attitude:

  • It means that you experience an unexpected bill, look at your bank account, and have a reaction of anxiety, frustration, sadness, or depression because “money is ti248919ght” as it is
  • It means that you engage old limiting beliefs about how impossible your sister is when you try to reason with her about a necessary change in her life, “knowing” how awful the conversation will be
  • It means that you weigh yourself daily and grimace about the number showing on the scale, feeling unlovable, unattractive and hopeless
  • It means maybe you feel like no matter what you try or how positive you try to be, life isn’t fair

If any of these ring true for you, there is a simple fix!  You are suffering from Currentrealityitis.

It’s very common, it IS contagious, but it is totally treatable.

The great news is, first and foremost, you have a choice in this life!  Sure, things happen in your life, but you get to choose how you react to them and you get to choose if you use it define you or to motivate you towards better and more.

So what’s the cure?

The cure is to choose an intentional perspective (shameless business name drop there).  Intentionally choose a different way to see your life experiences from a new perspective.  For example:

  • Have you ever thought how there are thousands of people who WISH they had the problem you had? Trouble paying the mortgage?  It means you have a roof over your head!
  • Have you ever thought, “could be worse!” Sure you are 20 pounds past your ideal weight…at least it isn’t 30!
  • What if you shifted your focus from the thing that you are struggling with and relished in all that is going well for you! Like, “hey, I woke up this morning.  And I like my sheets.  And I can shower and have luke warm and maybe even hot water! J  I have something I could eat.  I have a car to get me places.”  Things like that?

Finally, if you want to know the especially effective approach that conscious creators engage, we don’t look at our current reality as some fixed death sentence.  In fact, we don’t pay much attention to what the current reality is in a lot of cases.  We see it as a stepping stone and we reaffirm our intentions and desires with as much feeling as we can muster up.  Here are a few examples:

  • Despite the passive aggressive text we may have just received from a sibling, we say things like “my relationship is healed and we are getting along so much better now. I love and embrace my sister.  I am so happy we are closer than ever.”
  • Despite the unexpected bill, we say things like, “Whew, good thing I am rich! And when I circulate my money out into the world, it comes back to me multiplied.  It’s all good, the money will show up.”
  • Despite the desired weight loss, we look in the mirror and we flaunt our bodies, we compliment ourselves and we shower ourselves with self-love and acceptance. We say things like “I am one hot sexy mama, I’ve got it going ON!  I am getting healthier and healthier every day”
  • Despite the recent rejection, despite someone’s lack of interest in your business/product/services, we say (to God/Universe): “THANK YOU! Thank you for not wasting my time with a less than perfect client. I’m so excited about my roster of perfect clients.  More and more find me every day.”  And then we delight in having tons of perfect clients, even if in reality we have one or none.

Deliberat13315381_906075092851985_2309614886863028365_ne creators know that visualizing your dream life, envisioning that you have all that you could ever want and more, is the most powerful method of attracting it into your existence more quickly.

We know that the more we can step out of our current reality and embrace the feelings that go hand in hand with our ideal reality, we are allowing it to manifest into our lives.

It’s a leap of faith, it’s engaging your imagination, and it certainly isn’t main stream…but if you look at professional athletes, actors and some of the wealthiest on our planet, they will tell you that they visualized their success well before its arrival.

Something to think about next time you get caught up in the here and the now!  And if you are looking for someone to help you in that journey, check out my website and see if you like my style!  I always have room for a few more perfect clients and guiding others on their path brings me indescribable satisfaction and joy!

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Jamie Goins (ok heh that’s me) is a transformational life & business coach 13450725_949635211754_7175340385442189601_nextraordinaire, training expert & founder of Intentional Perspective.  ::Switching to 1st person::  If Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels ever had a love child, you’d probably get someone like me- not me, but close. 😉 It is my absolute passion to provide support, guidance, accountability, and encouragement to small business owners, mom-preneurs and others on their journey to gain clarity, discover new opportunities and achieve their highest aspirations.  I love life, love having fun, and love helping others be outrageously successful.  Come join me on my playground!

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